Waiting and Worrying...Again

Boy, does it seem like almost everything I post is about how freaked out/worried/nervous I am about something? It sure feels like that to me! No sooner did we get the wonderful news of our court date than our excitement was tempered by a follow-up from our agency telling us not to book our travel until after that first court hearing I briefly mentioned in the previous post. For those of you keeping track, that hearing is Thursday, May 26th. The hearing that we need to come for is Thursday, June 2nd. We plan to leave Sunday, May 29th. Do the math and you will see that at this point, everything is up in the air until 3 days before we would leave. Is it just me, or does that sound stressful?

I understand completely the reasoning behind our agency encouraging us not to book travel until then. The whole "MOWA only writing 5 letters thing" did actually start about two weeks ago, so it is not likely that our MOWA letter will be done by court. And now, at that first hearing, the judge is looking for that letter, whereas before it was okay if it wasn't there until after the adoptive family had come. So if our letter isn't there at the first hearing (very possible), there is concern that the judge will not grant us travel clearance to come for our hearing either. Since all of the MOWA stuff is so new, no one has a real frame of reference on how things will go. So far, our agency had 6 families have their first hearing last Friday, and all 6 not only were given travel clearance, their MOWA letters were there! Praise God! I have heard from other adoption "friends" with different agencies, and they are reporting that over the last week or so, families they know of either had their letter or didn't, but all were still allowed to travel, so that's good news too. None of the people from other agencies are being told not to book their travel until after the first hearing, so I guess our agency is just being much more cautious. Still though, I feel like our trip is very, very much up in the air, and it is heartbreaking not to be able to just get excited about it!

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to not know how much to plan when you are talking about a trip to another continent? This is no weekend away! I don't want to pack everything up before the first hearing, because the idea of having to unpack it if we don't get to go kills me. We have a plan worked out for who's caring for the boys while we're gone, but I don't know how in depth to worry about that right now. We did get our travel vaccinations, since we'll need those whenever we go, and we are collecting donations for the orphanages, since we'll take those whenever we go. But I can't bring myself to go out and buy travel sized shampoo and soap, since I just feel sick when I think about this trip, not excited. When people congratulate us on it, I make sure to let them know that it's not a done deal yet. My poor friend brought champagne to our girls' night this weekend to toast our court date and trip, and I felt the need to clarify that we didn't know whether we get to celebrate or not...pretty sure I ruined that toast! :)

I have literally been sick to my stomach about the changes with the Ethiopian adoption system since early March. Everyday, worried sick with nerves. I wake up doing the math in my head of how many families are ahead of us for court, times 5 letters per day, times the number of days before our hearing. I know with every fiber of my being that our sweet Gabby will be worth every moment of worry and heartache we've had. I also know that sometimes the best things in life require the most work. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't love catching just a little break sometime soon!